Author's Note: Please don't think any less of me for this article! Just needed to get it off my chest. Back to the usual shit soon.
I'm sure that most of you don't watch The X-Factor. I'm sure most of you have far better things to do on a Saturday night than sit and watch a load of nobodies sing other peoples' songs for the amusement of the plebs.
I don't have anything better to do. I watch the X-Factor every week and over the last couple of weeks, a travesty has occurred.
If you've been watching you probably know of the Scourge to music to which I'm referring.
Look upon the faces of the Devil.
If you aren't familiar with these two, lets call them, little pricks then have a look four yourself.
What lies within this video could ruin your faith in humanity.
What is seen cannot be unseen.
If you have the time, watch it all. It's like a massive car wreck involving some toxic waste. You know you shouldn't look and you know it's potentially very bad for your health but you just cant pull your eyes away.
If you're in a rush, the gayest thing you will ever see in your life happens at about 1:00.
Gayest. Thing. Ever.
Now, as utterly horrendous as that is, it is kind of compelling in that car crash kinda way. But the reason I take such issue with John and Edward (other than the fact that they're a pair of arrogant little pricks with no redeeming features) is that they quite simply cannot sing.
The X-Factor is a singing contest.
To facilitate this continuing abomination 2 acts who actually had talent (and one that was comprised of ex-strippers) had to leave the competition.
They were Kandy Rain, Rikki Loney and, the most recent and most appalling, Miss Frank.
This weekend, this:
lost to this:
Now, I don't know if you agree and I doubt very much you care but that is some Grade A Bullshit!
We, The British Public, do this every year. There's always one act that is fucking terrible yet remain in the competition, to the detriment of other, actually talented acts and, in my opinion, this is all down to the ICDBTT Effect. We like to watch these fucking awful acts because, as a country, we just love to pontificate from our armchairs that, "I could do better than that!"
I can sing and dance better than these little shits!
So, Britain, if you have any humanity left in you, please, for the sake of common sense and good taste, don't vote for John and Edward. I implore you, if you intend to vote in this X-Factor, just don't let it be for them. For music, for civilisation, for my aural health, vote for someone else!